Severance Series:

This is a series of three drawings; pen and colored pencil, from April 2004. I met a so-called man at a small party in Canterbury . This was a place often referred to as the Chateau. I was sharing drawings and poetry with a stranger when I saw him walk by like he was lost. I examined him very carefully: his face reminded me of the heart throb “Aidan” of Sex and the City. But he was shorter, much thinner. He walked like a gay man would with his shoulders back, his elbow bent at the waist, hand hanging at his chest. He circled the log cabin and common areas, disappearing for minutes at a time and returning with the same lost expression.

"Merry Christmas James"-

First of the series, Colored pencil on paper, 2003.

I met him in December of 2003 we had immediately fell into a sexual relationship. He worked third shift at the local Technical Institute. I would stay awake so he could visit on his early morning breaks. Than some times he would wake me in the morning after his shift had ended. This continued for the span of 4 months or so.

I learned about an “ex” with whom he had remained close to. They had broken up a year prior but she was still very much attached. I could not be revealed to her because she was so emotionally fragile. Trying to be supportive and understanding I did not question his words. He was very secretive. The only reason I had come to learn of the detail was because his sister had called me by another woman's name one of the times he had brought me to his parent's house and I asked who she was.

“What tortures a womyn's heart strengthens her soul”-

The second of the series: A womyn that is dancing behind a curtain looks up to the light. There is hope, sadness, strength in her eyes. She is missing her breast, and she is mutilated and exposed.

His mother was in a business of buying fixer-upper houses and re-selling them. He took me to the current fix-up project. He would never tell me details about his life, I could only see him on his breaks from work or if I wanted to help him with his remodeling project. So I helped him clean, do landscaping, and assisted in some light construction. I took on the living room cleaning as my personal project. While I was cleaning I found some term papers that were written by his ex-girlfriend. I found this interesting seeing as I was told this house was recently bought by his mother. After we retired for the day we packed up and drove back to my house. Before he had dropped me off I asked him about the papers that I had found. He told me that he lied and actually they used to live there and now that they had broken up, he was fixing it to sell.

At this point I was growing increasingly suspicious. It was all beginning to make sense.

“Wrapped in rhythm with you”-

One night I knew of a little party in Northwood and called him up to see if I could join him. First we would have to stop by a friend's house to pick up some party favors. He told me he would have his ex with him, I didn't mind and insisted that I wanted to meet her anyway.

When he came to my door he pushed me inside and began groping me, kissing me feverishly. He seemed strange, concerned even. I got in the car and there was this girl. Not as I imagined, but there she was. She swiveled around in the front seat, seemed eager to ask me questions. When we arrived to my friend's house she introduced herself as his girlfriend.

My heart sank. Some how I knew this was coming. Inside I wanted to scream, I wanted to grab her by the arm, rush outside and tell her everything. Inside I wanted to pummel this guy for lying to me, for deceiving me. I felt used, disgusting and exposed.

He told me he wanted me to know, he felt bad for lying. He wanted me to promise not to tell her. And I promised, against my better judgment, I promised.

Untitled-

The last of the series: Here he is with the look of the devil. See the horn, the empty eyes. I am not sure what the flower represents. Perhaps it is me?

It took a couple weeks after that night to detach from my feelings for him. I was completely cold to him, but no matter how many times I called her to tell her how sorry I was, that I had been so blind, to have a sister to go through this with- I just hung up. I couldn't bring myself to tell her! WHY? (I would want to know the truth)

He told me to leave her alone, she had been through enough.

Later I found out they were still together after she had heard some version of what had happened, most likely it was all bullshit. But she believed it enough to stay with him. I will never understand.